How do we encourage women to stop the back-biting behavior in the corporate environment?

[LaVonn Schlegel]

I have been in the corporate work force for more than 20 years. I have mentored young women for years through the corporate mine fields -- lower pay, limited opportunity, bitchy vs. assertive -- the list is a long one. And, yet, after all this time I am not encouraged when I encounter that stereotypical behavior that all women are accused. Why do come women choose to deal with issues through back-biting, gossip, and running to "mommy & daddy?"

How do you manage when a woman uses this "catty" management style to deal with an issue you are involved in. My current situation is simple - a manager shared sensitive personnel information with a colleague and I discussed my concerns and frustration with her doing so. The discussion was civil and polite -- and between me and her, or so I thought.

Anyone else struggle with this issue?

[Joyce Boadt]

LaVonn:
We discussed the topic of why women don't support each other last night at the discussion group meeting. I can't say that we came up with any solutions.

I have dealt with the situation you have described above - expressing concerns to a colleague about the way she handled a particular situation. (Personnel issues are the worst.) Like you I thought the conversation was just between the two of us. Her response was to be very vocal with others in the group that she thought I was out of line. Essentially "who does she think she is"?

In response I sat down with her again and asked about her concerns. It turned out that she thought I was overstepping my bounds - we were peers and she felt I was trying to act like her boss. I explained that I was only sharing my opinion and that I'd been burned in the past for sharing information without thinking it through. I made it clear that I didn't think she had done so with the intent of sharing information inappropriately. Sometimes when talking with a colleague we consider to be a friend, we may let our guard down and end up talking about something we shouldn't.

I asked her if in the future she would come to me when she has a problem with something I do or say that she come and talk to me about it. Unfortunately, not everyone feels comfortable with having these kind of conversations directly. It's easier to complain to everyone else. I had to work hard after that to develop the kind of relationship with her that would allow her to feel comfortable talking to me. If you believe someone will react negatively, be defensive, be vindictive, etc., it's not likely you'll feel comfortable offering difficult feedback.

Good luck with your situation!